Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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