My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
