apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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