hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
