HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize