Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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