Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
