we have pet lesbian snakes
I think im going to throw up on grandma
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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