i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
