You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
