the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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