while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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