Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You are a genius and a whore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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