She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize