Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize