If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
