too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
