So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize