that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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