Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
