Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
