My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize