sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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