Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
