nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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