Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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