he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
