My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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