OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
