Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
