Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
