i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize