i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
