I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
