Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
