He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
