oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
