Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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