is your mom at the bar?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
