I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
