Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
