I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize