I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
