what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
