dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
