I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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