R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
