I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
