? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
