Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize