I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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