u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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