If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
