My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
