walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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