Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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