im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
