Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
