for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This baby is an asshole
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
