worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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