i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
