i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize