I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's rum buckets o'clock
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
