Fine. I'll sleep in my office
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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