i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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