She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
