I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
