this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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