my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
