Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
