I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
