My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
