R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
