hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Someone shit on the floor
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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